Day Three : Am I Enlightened Yet?

Today is the third day of my fast. I am not hungry. I still feel troubled. Sad. I hate having to step foot on that block. I feel traumatized. I was talking to this boy today and this nigga has one hell of a story to tell. Like he thinks he’s hustling by telling people the shit he be telling them but if he were white, they would have had this nigga in a bubble to help him heal from the trauma and learn to feel safe again. I could see it so clearly relating to him but that shit is true for me too. When I told him about that shit with the block he was like Fuck ALL these people, I’m ready to fucken hurt somebody…

Shit, my nigga…me too!!!

Right now I need to feel safe again, good again and happy again. Get my mind back right and get back to where I need to be. Get back to Mecca…

I’m at the Tea Lounge right now. When I get home, I’m doing my hair and cooking and cleaning. Tomorrow I have mad errands to run with my YEs.  Afterwards I am going to take them somewhere, maybe the beach.  I need a Me in my life. I need someone who can talk to me like how I talk to people, to talk to me and to tell me everything is going to be okay. Right now, the boy I was talking about Jondell, He is fighting a real fight physically against the drugs. I am fighting a real fight against depression and melancholy. I am fighting to free my brain from the fog, from the muck and mire so it can serve me. I am fighting to keep my spirit pure. I am fighting to keep myself well, happy and free from all encumbrances. I am also fighting to be a good mother and a good woman. I am fighting to be Me.

Today I am starting the Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung meditation…

Current Situation: Temperance

Calm and balance. Need to have patience for events surrounding you as they play out. Moderation. Accommodation. Reflection on your life. Maturity. Draw emotions in and stop overreacting to outside forces. Contemplation and reflection on events, relationships and work. Be the calming force in chaos. Possible to overcome addiction to substance, people or relationships. Obsession passing. Order being restored. Bring calm to mind and behavior patterns. A time of peace is beginning. Let it wash over you.
Recent Past: The Hermit
Time for convalescence. Need to be alone with one’s own thoughts. Need to cultivate oneself before interacting with others. Focus on inner wisdom. Loneliness. Emotional separation from others or oneself. Time to draw one’s world in and simply exist for a while. Separation from partner for one’s own mental health. Quiet is needed. Wisdom of older male coming into focus. Seek counsel of wise ones around you. Seeker of truth. Caution. Detachment. Prudence.
Future Influences: Six of Cups
Focus on kindness to others. Time to volunteer in your community or give your attention to a project that needs your unique talents. Someone close to you needs your help and assistance. Harmony. Stability. Time to appreciate what you bring to other’s lives. Enjoying the simple pleasures in life. Possible philanthropy. Surround yourself with beauty. Contentment. Engaging in play with others.
My Daily Tarot Card

Six of Swords

Time to travel, perhaps near or to water. Move to a new area. A change of pace and scenery. A slowing down. This part of your journey needs reverence and thought. Pick up the pieces and move on. Regained health, but it’s been a slow process. Take slow methodical steps. Keep your chin up, this is a time of recovery. Sadness, but not depression. Coping. Hope is renewed.