The Sunshine After The Rain

Peace, dear journal. Today is astrologically significant for me – Saturn is moving into my first house.

Sunshine After The Rain

In light of this, I have come to a few realizations. The first is that I am a Writer, thats my proffession, my career.

The second is that the negative thinking that I thought protected me (If I think of the “worst, it won’t happen!), has really done nothing but hurt my life. I am good, I am blessed and working towards perfection. I get better every day and I can rise to any challenge. I am a winner. Can’t corrupt that vibe with loser thoughts.

Third, I need to meet like minded souls and people with the power to help me do more and be more.

I have been smoking weed for 14/15 years now. It hasn’t done anything but made me fat and lazy. No more smoking. Period.

My Reading today was super cool:

Card of the Day:

Nine of Cups

Smugness. No need to do another thing to obtain the fulfillment you desire, it’s here. Satisfaction. Comfort. Focus on a real and meaningful pusuit whether in the arts or love. Everything lined up and in its place. Time of fruition. Possible birth of child or project. Something that was missing has been found and put in order.

Recent Past

Strength Tarot Card

Strength and fortitude. From energy follows thought and action. Power that is respected. Quiet control of oneself and others. Need to bring strength from deep within and continue on in face of adversity. Strength of mind as well as body is needed. Difficult tasks ahead. Focus on all goals at once. Control of all resources at one’s disposal. Ability to do what is needed when time is right. Knowing oneself and one’s gifts as well as one’s weaknesses.

When Strength is in the past position of your reading, you can see the basis of your current situation stemming from a mastery of your circumstances. You maintained composure recently and are benefiting from your patience and expertise. Sometimes this card represents a state of boredom in your past that led you to stray from familiar conditions that you felt you had outgrown. Your ordinary world had been mastered and the journey you are now on is based on a desire to challenge yourself and see all that life may have to offer.

Strength really applies more to inner strength than actual physical strength. These inner qualities include love, patience and gentleness. But more importantly, this card refers to these qualities in the context that they are more important than material power, force or hate. So many people think of a show of a strength as who has the biggest army, the most weapons or in the case of one human to another, the strongest hands. Sometimes it takes more strength to offer a hand of friendship than that of war. In other words, you’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Another meaning for this card is a possible reconciliation. If the subject is on the outs with a friend or even a lover, this card could represent that fences are about to be mended. Of course this will only be possible if you can conquer your negative emotions.

In still yet another meaning, this card shows that possible obstacles that you are facing are imagined rather than real and it is important to confront these obstacles and determine if they are indeed of substance or just something that you’ve conjured up in your own mind.

The Lion in this card is symbol of strength and courage. Often there is a woman shown on this tarot card and she represents the feminine side in everyone. This is suggestion of the more gentle and sensitive side taming the “inner beast” The woman is not killing the lion but is quietly mastering it. Strength as a Tarot card is symbol of discipline and inner determination.

Interpreting Strength in a Tarot Spread

Strength throws a protective influence over the person’s world. It provides them with the stamina and endurance needed to face up to life’s trials and tribulations. No matter what they are going through, they will be able to cope. Fate won’t throw anything their way that can’t be handled. They can overcome obstacles with courage and determination. When this card appears in someone’s spread, suggest that they might take a look around them. They will then start to notice people are there, willing to help and support them. All they have to do is ask. This card also draws attention to matters of communication such as telephone calls, letters and gossip. These could open new doors for them. It is possible that someone who was born between July 21 and August 21 will be an important part of their life at the moment.


The Chariot
Concentration on objectives is needed. Path is clear, do not get sidetracked by outside forces. Triumph. Vengeance. Overcoming of obstacles. Clearing of path to victory and one’s desires. Force of will. Strength in focus. No time for outside influences. Headstrong. Rush of energy in one’s favor now. Travel is possible. Swift nature in reaching one’s goals. Positive and quick result on the way. No time for delay in completing course of action. Strong will.

The Chariot

Are you in control? Did you just win big? Have you finally reached a new level of accomplishment? Are you being handed control of a big project? The Chariot is the Tarot card most associated with victory and control. When you see this card in a Tarot reading in times of struggle, understand that when Caesar conquered an opposing army, his victory parade made the years of struggle worth it. If you are not yet victorious, learn to appreciate your struggle, as the celebration you can have will be even more enjoyable with your challenges still fresh in your mind. If you recently accomplished a great task, be sure to revel in your enjoyment of the moment; there are no guarantees of future enjoyment, so soak up the feeling of pure triumph.
If The Chariot is in your reading’s present position, you are experiencing a great triumph at the moment. This might be something for which you have wanted for months or years. It might be something that was just handed to you and now you are feeling insecure about being in control. There are often mixed feelings that come with getting what you wanted, as an unease about the change inherent in this transformation makes one lose touch with seeing the possibilities.


Day Three : Am I Enlightened Yet?

Today is the third day of my fast. I am not hungry. I still feel troubled. Sad. I hate having to step foot on that block. I feel traumatized. I was talking to this boy today and this nigga has one hell of a story to tell. Like he thinks he’s hustling by telling people the shit he be telling them but if he were white, they would have had this nigga in a bubble to help him heal from the trauma and learn to feel safe again. I could see it so clearly relating to him but that shit is true for me too. When I told him about that shit with the block he was like Fuck ALL these people, I’m ready to fucken hurt somebody…

Shit, my nigga…me too!!!

Right now I need to feel safe again, good again and happy again. Get my mind back right and get back to where I need to be. Get back to Mecca…

I’m at the Tea Lounge right now. When I get home, I’m doing my hair and cooking and cleaning. Tomorrow I have mad errands to run with my YEs.  Afterwards I am going to take them somewhere, maybe the beach.  I need a Me in my life. I need someone who can talk to me like how I talk to people, to talk to me and to tell me everything is going to be okay. Right now, the boy I was talking about Jondell, He is fighting a real fight physically against the drugs. I am fighting a real fight against depression and melancholy. I am fighting to free my brain from the fog, from the muck and mire so it can serve me. I am fighting to keep my spirit pure. I am fighting to keep myself well, happy and free from all encumbrances. I am also fighting to be a good mother and a good woman. I am fighting to be Me.

Today I am starting the Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung meditation…

Current Situation: Temperance

Calm and balance. Need to have patience for events surrounding you as they play out. Moderation. Accommodation. Reflection on your life. Maturity. Draw emotions in and stop overreacting to outside forces. Contemplation and reflection on events, relationships and work. Be the calming force in chaos. Possible to overcome addiction to substance, people or relationships. Obsession passing. Order being restored. Bring calm to mind and behavior patterns. A time of peace is beginning. Let it wash over you.
Recent Past: The Hermit
Time for convalescence. Need to be alone with one’s own thoughts. Need to cultivate oneself before interacting with others. Focus on inner wisdom. Loneliness. Emotional separation from others or oneself. Time to draw one’s world in and simply exist for a while. Separation from partner for one’s own mental health. Quiet is needed. Wisdom of older male coming into focus. Seek counsel of wise ones around you. Seeker of truth. Caution. Detachment. Prudence.
Future Influences: Six of Cups
Focus on kindness to others. Time to volunteer in your community or give your attention to a project that needs your unique talents. Someone close to you needs your help and assistance. Harmony. Stability. Time to appreciate what you bring to other’s lives. Enjoying the simple pleasures in life. Possible philanthropy. Surround yourself with beauty. Contentment. Engaging in play with others.
My Daily Tarot Card

Six of Swords

Time to travel, perhaps near or to water. Move to a new area. A change of pace and scenery. A slowing down. This part of your journey needs reverence and thought. Pick up the pieces and move on. Regained health, but it’s been a slow process. Take slow methodical steps. Keep your chin up, this is a time of recovery. Sadness, but not depression. Coping. Hope is renewed.

Day Two

I’m hanging in there. I have been tempted to eat today but I’m not hungry. Today, I had two things go great. I registered for school tomorrow, which stabilizes that situation. I sent my resume to TekSys so hopefully they will get me a great jobby job soon. And…Con Ed gave me till 7/29 to pay them which means the power will not be off until we move. YAY!!!!

Jumping For Joy

On Thursday, I will have the money to go get the table and chairs to do my readings. Friday will be my first day. I am so excited. Bless me Universe. Let me make $1000 this weekend…..

Let me make marvelous connections.

Let me be a great help to someone who needs it.

Bt most of all, let me make great, great great money.

Three Day Fast For Understanding

I am fasting for three days. I feel like shit.

little kid crying

Too much upheaval in my life, too much confusion. My body is drained, sabotaging me when I need to be most energetic. Theo said I am wasting good transits thru poor decisions. The decisions are the pickings of the constant flood of information. I am drowning in my own head.

This house is like a prison. I am scared of going outside and going out of control again, because I haven’t resolved any of the situations and I really don’t see how to.

We are moving in a couple of days. I can’t wait.