Lost Found Love

I decided today that I am going to become a full-time, get fucked up at 9:00 in the morning, true- blue alcoholic. I have too many problems to deal with and its breaking me. The main problem seems to be one so deeprooted its even in my astro-chart: I never have the resources I need.

I hate the shit around me. I hate where I live. I hate being poor and at people’s/the govts/poverty’s mercy. I hate that I am trying to do all of this Law of Attraction shit and it just is not working for the REAL problems in my life. I hate that this is my kids father and I feel like a single mother, I have no support with my kids and all this mthrfuckr does is make my life smaller. He makes everything worse. I hate that he’s my kids father and if I want something better than this, I have to deal with another man. I wanted all my kids to have the same father.

I fell head over heels in love right out the gate with a total stranger and the circumstances are just causing me to question myself. Hard. The one thing I got from him that I won’t forget it to cut out the negative self-talk. I will.

I wish so bad that he could have been my kids father, that I had turned a different corner.  But who knows maybe now he’d be the one hating my guts and I’d be chatting online with Zero, falling head over asshole. Straight up asshole.

Kevin Trudeau said you’re not supposed to worry about the “how”, to let the Universe take care of  that. But, maybe because of my Moon in Aries, I feel like  I am going to explode from the frustration. I hate always having to settle for CRAP, while I see the rest of the world living!!! I hate that its a good reason why I can’t ever just have some straight up good shit without an asterisk. I am so tired of bad shit. I just feel tired period.