The Drinks and the Drugs

I want to blaze something so bad right now that I’m about to do some crazy shit. I was planning to take my time to post about this but I have reached the point where it needs discussing now.

After I broke up with my kids father, I went through some heavy shit emotionally and I broke a couple of times. By breaking I mean, I buckled and  I had to drink to cope with my life. I was getting tore up everyday. I took antidepressants. I tried cocaine. I was smoking cigarettes.  I cried and cried and cried.

What made me stop was not how unhealthy that shit is but the fact that getting fucked up everyday is hard on a bitch facially and I want to keep my smooth skin and innocent good looks. I have enough mileage because I have so many kids and the last thing I want is to see my face start looking like its sliding off.

I stopped drinking like all that but I am still an alcoholic. When I know I am going to drink, I feel so good and its like the highlight of my day, finally something to look forward to…

I drink out of boredom and I smoke to fall out. I don’t even enjoy weed like that. If I had access to drugs like MDMA and acid, I probably wouldn’t even smoke weed but since thats really all I know how to get, I fuck with that.

I don’t like wanting to smoke or drink. I hate how I feel right now because I don’t have any erb or money so I’m going to end up going to buy a loosie from the corner store.

I came home from my little spot today earlier than I wanted to because the band they let play was making an infernal racket with the volume turnt up to DEFEAT. I was in a shitty mood  and acted like a bitch to the kids and have been holed up in my room since I got home.


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