Some Shit You Gotta Do For The Movie

I regret that I came in to the training class at MS the year I did. If I had come the year before, I would have trained with Dawson and Stacy and shit would have turned out differently big time.

Instead, I came in with Bobby and James and shit turned out fucked up. Bobby is reprehensible. That little stubby fucker is not fat but he is still somehow the Biggest Loser year after year after year. Bobby sucks. James on the other hand, was not only cooler than a fan but  in one conversation this dude changed my whole life. If this nigga had passed training, I shudder to think what would have happened. But of course, nothing gold can stay, so that ugly ass girl that said she was 25 but looked 38 fucked with him until he left.

The day he changed my life,  I was kicking it with James and he tells me that if he ever saw Mary J Blidge or Lil Kim or et cetera walking down the street, he would  jump out in front of them and just start throwing dollar bills, making it rain on these bitches.

I was like, why, why would you do that?

He goes, for the movie. Its certain things you just have to do for the movie of your life.

Yesterday some shit happened that’s definitely going in the movie. I had just come from WIC and I was walking up the block when I decided to go into the famous Carol’s Daughter to see what was popping. I’d heard so much about this spot and I’m a fiend for anything with the word “natural” on the label. The shit could be naturally artificial, real like a duplicate and all my ass will see is the “natural” still and cop two. And don’t let it smell nice cause then I’ll be mainlining it.

Anyway, I went into CD’s and had a disconcerting experience. The big gorrilla bear working in there was dark skinned, bald and had one of those full beards like niggas from Philly.  He kept bringing everything way too close to my face like he was trying to push up but when this guy opened his mouth, he sounded like a white woman. I don’t know how this muhfucka got all the base out his voice but word to everything,  it sounded like he was talking through his nose while someone was squeezing his balls.

I left out of there grimacing. The soap was wack and real infantile too, which made me feel like the whole spot was wack, homeboy not withstanding. He wasn’t wack,  he was iconic because this gorilla bear burned himself into my memory. I was walking up the block, shaking my head and just on the humble, I checked my blackberry.

5:05 That Dude.

(I hate that I have to assign an alias but his name is instantly recognizable and I have to see what it is before I shout homie out like that.)

At five oh-five pm, on April 5, this dude  hit me up on the BB. I saw that shit, I started bugging. I was laughing and screaming and I had to just stop for a second and look again. And yep, it was still there.

I hope soooo bad this turns out to be some shit for the movie…


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